2025

 Skipped to 2025!

Hi, 

it's weird to write back, so hard to istiqomah on writing, 

after we had Q, busy as parents, didn't actually have time, not have time lah, more on didn't manage to set the time to discipline and sit down doing writing, i wonder if doing PHD like this, how many years im gonna finish my thesis..haha

so fast forward, 

after 3 years old of Q, then 

surprisedly, we conceived another baby, that will due soon on August '25. Inshaallah. 

Allah plans is the best. He knows better. 

tbh, I really wasn't hoping so much because last year, I went to check on my reproductive system in the clinic, feeling not so good in my body, I felt like I really had pa roblem with my servics or whatsoever, then we detected that I have PCOS, 

so as for who dont know what is PCOS is please google it, haha

wait, ill use chatgpt for u, now say thank you. Here: 

"PCOS is something that some girls and women have, and it affects how their bodies work on the inside. Every month, most girls and women have something called a period, which is part of how their bodies prepare to have babies when they grow up. But in people with PCOS, their bodies don’t follow the usual pattern.

Their ovaries — the part inside that helps with making babies someday — might not release eggs every month like they’re supposed to. They might also have more of a hormone called testosterone, which can cause things like extra hair on their face or body, or make it harder to have babies when they grow up.

It’s not something you can catch, and it’s not their fault. But doctors can help them feel better with food, exercise, or medicine. It just means their body needs a little extra help to stay healthy."

Understand?

So when we go check at that time, the scan shows like this, but imagine I have more bubbles of it, and bigger, like akar teratai section, and the doctor said, it's hard for a woman with PCOS to conceive a baby, lah. So that's why I'm not hoping so much, and thinking if the time comes, it will come to me. right? And also, they didn't have any medicine for this, like the doc said, I just need to change my lifestyle.

 

Now, 

I am in my final second trimester, in week 28, alhamdulillah, baby is actively moving, need to keep track on baby kicking and movement, and so on.. we need to start buying baby's items slowly..

Q is now in playschool, I would like for her to mix around with new friends and a new environment, in first month sending her, tough one, shes crying a lot, but now alhamdulillah so far, she likes schools, buttttt, being her with her banyak akal, selalu lambat pergi sekolah, hahah, being just in play schools, we said is okay for her to be late as long as we inform the teacher, :)

I am now doing part-time teaching at college in Ipoh, until the end of June, before my delivery months. We are still surviving. Hope Allah eases u and my journey in life. 

Till then, 

xoxo, erzed.

Full Swing 2022

 so, 

after all the covid thingy, and now we can now mask-off, alhamdulillah, 

like I said last year, 

I have married alhamdulillah with a very good man, not a guy, but a man, I am really grateful for my life rn. and I wish to be more grateful more and more. 

Oh ya! I am now a mother ! <3 my life turned full swing after I became a mother to Q. alhamdulillah

I was thinking to write my pregnancy journey here, keep it for memories. but I need time to sit and write inshallah one day. 

chow!

covid gila

 hi guys, 

its me

iras

u know that my real name are not spelt that way, haha, but idk, i just wanted to just be a shadow, 

really, 

i dont want to be trace , 

with all this internet thingy nowadays, 

all the leaked photos on ig, twitter, fb, 

i mean, 

i would prefer it to be shadow.

okay, back to my story this year, 

guess what?

i am married!

with a guy name A. hehe, its been 4 months and we are still in the mode of adapting each other. 

After i finished my master in Architecture, which i also cant believe that i finally did it. Alhamdulillah, a very good memories despite of this pandemic hit us. We should have known that, there always a rainbow after rain. So i think what covid has taught us, it is something that we need to ponder. Relationship, importance of things, life and death, property, semua Allah pinjamkan sementara sahaja. Allah Maha Baik. Dia tak akan beri kita kesusahan yang kita sendiri tak boleh tanggung. He knows Best. 

For now, i still waiting for Usm to confirm about our convocation which has been postponed for i think 2 times? haha its been hard for me because the convo will makes me confirm that i have fin my studies, otherwise i still think that i have not graduated haha. After all, alhamdulillah, berkat doa umi babah, i grad with flying colors. 3.5 cgpa and above. Syukur. 

Continue...

in 4th of Aug, i lost 2 people in 1 day, 2 peeps that i loved. My mother in law, Mak and my moms's sister, mamaita. My Mil died in the morning at 8am when my brother-inlaw gave her milk then later he checked the milk spilt out the tube. Allah tooks my Mil in sleep which alhamdulilah, dia pergi dengan mudahnya. Mak has been bedridden 5 years back due to unfunctional brain.

  And then later after asar, i checked whatsapp saying that mamaita also gone. Allahu. Sungguh berat ujianMu. Mama died due to covid 19 and cancer. Her lung was totally infected by cancer that was detected month ago, and due to covid, it makes her worsen. She was totally dependent on oxygen machine. Doc said that looking at mama's condition, they couldn't do the cpr or the pump chest thing because mama's lung was totall out. Allah Allah. Allah sayangkan mama. Allah sayang Mak. Both are beautiful women. Alfatihah. 

i think 2021 really hit us hard. 

please, stay safe.

Iras

what it is 2020???

so 2020!
what a year!

meeting new people is my thing right now.
getting new and many experience is a wonderful feelings!
things have to be done.
not just sit down  or lay back and do nothing!
get out of the bed!
and be a new you!

forget all the bad memories!
but dont forget all the lesson learned!

be nice to people!
be nice to your family!
absolutely correction!
haha

have faith in Allah,
don't fail to Doa and believe in Allah!

May Allah ease everything!

every year 1 post meh? hahaha

truth be told,
him and i breaking up again. this time no more friends after being an ex. i totally end up the relationship . i cant accept how he treat me. and he also mention that he wanted me to feel what he felt when i left him. total revenge!
 Last time, to be frank, i always think that he will be the last for me to end up the 2019. and wishing that we could be a happily ever after again. but im wronged.
frustrated i am,
sad i am

my mind, body and my soul are everywhere
i lost focus
almost giving up on everything.

i blocked him,
shut all the socmed.
hoping that i will not ever meet him again.
my heart break into pieces
shattering on the floor
its like some one punching your heart. like real punch
its so much of hurt.

overthinking i am
i can feel the negativity on my mind

but suddenly,
i stopped
astraghfirullah
i still has Allah,

allah the greatest
i stopped on this one youtube ,
talking about the past
i truly admire the words,

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON,
TO EITHER TEACH YOU, HUMBLE YOU,
OR PULL YOU BACK CLOSER TO HIM.

i am shocked.
i have allah , He always with me, and us
he want to test me,
he want me to know that,
people, human, will come and go
but allah will always be in your heats.
comeback to Him.

2019 please be nice

hi 2019..
currently i am doing my master. hope to be finish on 2020.
basically , i am surviving in my life. there are many things happened in 2017 and 2018.

2017
one of it is : break ups.
after breakup, as i mentioned before, its hurts real deep because one, im losing him, 2.
i am also hurting him. a lot. i realized i giving up for someone who truly loves me. stupid i am.
but its all done. after a while, not a while lah, after some time. being single.
2 people approach me out of nowhere. and seriously wanted to marry me. i have no clue,
im not ready, my heart cant accept ,,struggling to forget 'the one i called, ex'.
tried to open my heart for others. but still. its hard for me to forget the ex.
turning to allah again. i rejected and friendzone the 2 people.
and turned back to allah.asking for help, for the right path chosen.

2018
pursue my studies. hoping to be nearer to him. but things turns different. he chose to be in other places because of works. i accept, always support him.

end of 2018,
now  i have courage to propose him back. this is one big decision making business here. its matter of life and death, haha no lah . with the help of allah, without hesitation, no matter of what kind of decision that i received from him later, i will redha and continue my life.
guessing what will be the results? is it yes or no?

to be continue.......

2018

new life, new mission.,
although maybe my 2017 mission kinda slightly off on track,
but inshaallah, i believed that Allah has a good plan for me.

i miss him

i miss him so much,
that i keep thinking of him,
....
i hate myself.

people come and go

So, I bet I will be starting writing something here from now.
i know blogging is something that people no longer use anymore. but
i am still using it. which its better like this.
no one will read except for somebody who is willing to click on, or find me on my blog.
gotchhaaaa. haha

yes, people come and go.
and ofcourse one day, people that you love also will leaves you. so we as a servant of Allah swt should prepare ourselves mentally and physically for presents and future.

move on.
its easy to say than do.
it will take courage, strength to do such thing.
as time pass, sometimes me myself monologue "is this the best for me? "
but then again. i hope this is the best decision which may guide us to the better way. inshaallah.

feels.
this is the 3rd time i got into this kind of situation where letting go is the decision.
pain, hurt, the feeling its like someone has punched your heart. like 1 big punch of fist. real hurts
struggling for the 1st semester of "relationship no more".
it made me think about "do i need another realtionship or just wait and see or etc?"

honestly,
him, is the best things happened in my life. almost 5 years ups n downs. and we met only 3 to 5 times a year. can you imagine that?
i love how we changed to teenage minded until adults mind.
from nothing to something.

but ended, somehow Allah has better plan for both of us, amin inshallah

2017

hi 2017.
its been a long time since i'm not posting anything in my blog,
going through all these years,
with an  ups and downs
with some of my friends have been married with children,
some of them pursuing masters and phd,
some of them doing business etc

how am i doing right now?
my answer will be , i'm surviving. :)

currently,
i'm a lecturer at one of the college here.
will pursue my study someday, inshaallah,
pray for me ya

regarding on this blog,
maybe i will be deleted some of my emotional post or whatsoever, ahahha
segan la, post dulu tu tak immatured langsung tauu. hahhaha

alright then,
assalamualaikum